Wife Drinking too much

Question
Todd, good morning. I have been married for 10 years and for most of that 10 years I have been dealing with my wifes drinking. For as long as I have been with her and many years before she has been what I guess is an alcoholic. I am 53, and she is 48 and we have been married for 10 years. She is a most interesting alcoholic. We have had many many incidentsand I won't bore you with those. But she drinks 1 night, then for a week or two, no drinking. I have threatened leaving her, she wrote me a letter saying she was going to quit, but never has she gotten help, ever, she says she can do in "Online", or alone...The problem is we have an 11 year old and I can no longer hide him, he knows whats going on and is very dissapointed in her behavior. I am thinking about leaving her because she has begun drinking again....No real incidents, so she thinks, whats all the fuss....but she's the fuss because he see;s her drunk, up all night on the computer coming t bed around 5am as I'm getting ready to go to work, now mind you, this isn't every night, most times, things are fine, it's every other week, or twice every other week. Advice?

Thanks

Mike


Answer
She is what in AA we call a binge drinker. It still has it's problems. Alcoholics can be binge drinkers: drinking on occasion but disrupting lives when doing so. You can't quit alone. That's why the first word in the 12 steps of AA is "WE admitted..." Doing it alone will only allow her to talk herself back into drinking. She must be held accountable for her actions if she chooses this way of life. There are consequences for our drinking and we must be allowed to face them or else we may never recover. I'm sorry this is affecting your son. Are you in Al-Anon? A support group for loved ones of Alcoholics. Great program and then there is Al-Ateen for kids who have alcoholics in their lives. A place where your son can relate to others in his situation. If it were me and I had to live with a practicing alcoholic like I was I'd left me a long time ago. Maybe some Marriage and Family therapy? But seek help through Al-Anon and Al-ateen for your soon and perhaps a therapist as well. As practicing alcoholics is the actions you want to watch for not our words. Words mean nothing to us. When we begin to change or want to change watch our actions that's how'll you know we are serious about it. For she can go to www.aa.org. If you need further help write back.



http://www.al-anon.org/