Testosterone GelTriggering

Question
Dear Clyde:

I am a recovering alcoholic/addict coming up on two years of sobriety actively involved in 12 step and also HIV positive. I've recently about two-three weeks started taking Testim testosterone replacement gel due to somewhat low testosterone levels. I found initially I was "triggered" by the "rushy" feeling I got from the gel(former meth addict) and seemed a little bit fuzzy or altered. It has gotten better in the last couple of days and continues to be less agitating each day. The pharmacist say it is non-narcotic of course but it does contain ethanol. Am I too self focused/obssessed on these reactions and should continue to ride out the "fog" or be concerned? I'm pretty sure I may have some reservation in my program and may be overblowing this as an excuse to relapse, but just was interested in running it by someone else.



Thank you so much for your input!


Answer
Michael,

    Thank you for your questions.  This is an interesting one.  You mention you are "pretty sure I may have some reservation in my program" which is a good bit of honesty.  That is good.  Here is my take on this thing called alcohol - "it is just a damn liquid!" meaning that we give it much too much power over our lives.  Yes, we as alcoholics drink because we like the effect - the rush you speak of.  But we learn in AA that alcohol affects us differently and we just can't seem to quit once we pick up the first one.  Then our lives spiral out of control.  Our reservation is one of irrationality because we find it beyond ourselves to give up the instant gratification of that buzz.

 

    If this medication is providing you some benefit then I say go for it and understand that if alcohol is part of the formulation, so be it.  And if it provides a buzz then, so be it.  You know that the buzz is not for pleasure as it is to provide the medicinal gift to your health.  I have taken pain killers in sobriety but they were prescribed for serious pain issues.  Did they give me a buzz and a lightheaded feeling - yes, but they killed the pain and so I was conscious that that was the reason I was taking them.



   I have a friend in the program who learned that he is so seriously allergic to alcohol that he can not risk even a handiwipe or hand sanitizer. He goes into immediate seizures.  I would suggest that you mention to your doctor that the absorption of this bit of alcohol is so strong that you actually have these sensations of a rush.  It could signal that you are on the verge of the same sort of severe allergy.



   I have really come to know that I do not like the buzz feeling any longer so I am quite immune to thinking that it is something I would romance.  But I am not so naive to think that I do not need to be cautious.  That is what you are doing here, being cautious - you are searching out experience, strength and hope and being honest.



    That is a long way to saying, it is just a damn liquid and has its uses but not for me to enjoy as a drink.



     I hope this may have helped and write again if I may be of any further  help.



Grace and Peace,

Clyde