Soul mate of 7 years out of my life due to Drinking and Driving

Question
Hi,



I just celebrated my 42nd birthday Monday and my boyfriend of 7 years was not with me.  Two weeks ago, after I noticed him coming home intoxicated most days for about three weeks straight, I blew up.  This pattern is nothing new for him.  I have been promised more times than I care to mention "I will cut back", "I won't drink a drop when you are not with me", "I won't stop at the bar after work.", etc., etc.,.  My boyfriend is such a smart, responsible man.  He takes care of his child from a previous marriage, and does a wonderful job of being "Dad".  I know when he promises he won't drink and drive and tells me, "It won't happen again," that he means it.  He is not one to lie and not keep promises.  However, he will do well for a few months, and then he gets irritable or stressed, and here we go again!!  I feel stupid for telling him over and over that he will need to move out if he keeps this up, and then I let him stay because he makes more promises.  He thinks that he does not have a drinking problem and that it is just me being controlling. His dad is an alcoholic and does not drink a drop now.  He said his dad used to drink hard liquor early in the morning and he is not like that.  His main problem is beer.  But an addiction to beer makes you an alcoholic as well.  He does not see it that way.



He has now withdrawn money from his 401K and got a year lease on an apartment.  I am devastated to say the least, but in a way, I hope it will do him some good.  I worry about his drinking and driving, but at least now, it is not in my face on a daily basis as it was when he lived with me.  I offered to go to an open AA meeting, go to one-on-one counseling, have him speak with an AA mentor, etc., and he has declined.



Is there anything else that I can do?  I always thought that we would always be together and I love him dearly.



Thanks,

Jamie  


Answer
Sounds you like you have offered to everything you can. it is up to him. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. As alcoholics we make many promises and stick to none. You must stick to your demands like asking him to leave. he must suffer consequences for his actions. You should attend AL-ANON. A support group for friend and families or alcoholics. They can teach you many useful skills and provide support to you. You must not enable him. He has to do this for himself and make the change for himself. I really suggest you go to Al-Anon and try it for several times. It will probably be uncomfortable at first but so was AA for me and I have stuck with it and remained sober. If you cannot find a Al-Anon group let me know an i"ll help. Good Luck



Leigh