some advice please

Question
Hi, I recently separated from my alcoholic husband and I am having a really hard time dealing with it. It seems as if he doesn't even care about the separation in the least, from me and also from our daughter. His drinking has gotten a lot worse over the years and I think we both reached a point where we both knew it wasn't going to work anymore. I have not seen any pain or sadness coming from him at all! He treats me as if I was the one causing the problems in our marriage and he is glad to finally get away from me. I told him that he will not be able to have any contact with our daughter while he continues to drink and he never even put up a fight! He was sober for about 8 months a little while ago but he relapsed and now he is worse than ever. If I try and talk to him now either over the phone or face to face, he refuses to. I just so heartbroken over all of this. I can't understand why he treats me like he hates, why he doesn't show any remorse and why doesn't he try to get well for the sake of losing his daughter! Can you please help me to make sense out of all of this?  


Answer
Unfortunately he sounds like a typical practicing alcoholic. When we are in the midst of our addiction nothing matter but the drug of our choice in his case alcohol. I heard it said best by my sponsor when her kids were taken from her and placed with her husband. She said it's not that it didn't hurt or that i didn't care it's just at that point and time in my life the drink mattered more than my family. Today she and her kids are like best friends. You may never fully understand how a drink or a drug can mean more than a family; unless you're an alcoholic. When I was in his state I had to drink to live. Also, when we stop drinking for awhile and pick back up it is as though we have never stopped drinking. We drink as much if not more than when we stopped. He may be drinking more to block the pain of loosing his family. But, you did what you had to do and that was get you and your daughter out of an unrealistic situation and start to live life peacefully and without alcohol in your everyday life causing pain and hate. You should attend some Ala-Anon meetings and your daughter Ala-teen. These are meeting for family members or friends of those with a drinking problem. You can get some support there. Hope this helps. If not feel free to write back to me. I'll be thinking about you guys over the holidays.