My girlfriend is an alcoholic and i finally took a stand but....

Question
Hello



my names Steven. i don't even know where to begin so i will give you a abbreviated version of my story. my girlfriend and i have been dating for 4 years. we lived together of 2 of those. our first date i never thought anything of it. we went and saw a movie and she was acting immature throughout the whole movie. i just figured it was from drinks at dinner and didn't think anything of it. weeks down the road every time and i mean every time i came to her house or she came to  mine (before we moved in together) she was always falling in deep sleeps. i figured she was my sleeping beauty and just always tired from work. she worked for a school with kids at a time.  this progressed and got worse. this went on for months. so about almost a year in i started to take her water bottles and smell them and they were straight vodka. theres my answer,i always had an idea she was drinking. she was filling empty water bottles with straight vodka. everyday she passed out. blacked out cold every say, Mon-sun. everytime she came over or came over, she would get drunk beyond believe. she would pass out like i said at our parents home, at the park, on dates, everywhere, you name it. fast wording now, this went on forever. i didn't understand why she drank. i always tried to talk to her and here her out. now this kept going on and then down the road i found out she was starting herself. this whole time she was on a 250 to 300 calorie a day diet by eating negative calorie foods. she was also throwing up and covered , i mean covered in bruises. so things got worse. she was also talking and hanging out with her ex fiance in order to get money for booze since i wouldn't give her money.  down the road i found out she was on a website going on dates for 500 bucks a date with wealthy guys. she swore nothing sexual. fast forwarding 2 yrs down the road i got her to stop the dating service. she was kicked out of her home and we moved in together. the drinking got worse and she wanted to escort again and be a webcam model. she has no self esteem and hated herself i could tell. long story short, this went out forever. 4 years later she had me arrested. she called her dad whom is a cop after downing almost a gallon of vodka and he told him i was hitting her in reaction to when i told her we had to break up. the father came and i was arrested and bailed out next morning. we went to court, fought them and when because the judge has known her prior history with drinking since her recent and first DUI and spent 30 days at hanley hazelden. so after that, our parents didn't want us talking and we ended up talking of course and we both got kicked out of our parents home and moved back in together even after what she had done to me. at this point i was going to codependent meetings and i knew i had a problem and was suffering due to her addiction. we lived together for 5 months and finally up until last night i said i cant do this anymore after she promised not to get drunk and she did. she even pop the screen out of the window and threatened to jump. so at the point i called my dad, he came over to help me packed, i cried and asked my girlfriend to get help and i told her i loved her and this is hard for me and its taking me 4 years to finally leave and well i did. NOW HERES MY QUESTION....i am at home at my parents house and i had 7 missed calls this morning. i called the # back this morning and it was St Mary's hospital. she was hospitalized last night , the night i left. i spoke to her and i couldn't tell what happened exactly cause she still sounded drunk and this is what i got from her. she said someone called the cops on her and she was taken away in the ambulance. my guess is she was roaming around the island we used to live on and someone called and they could tell she was extremely drunk. well she begged for me to pick her up and take her to the apartment but i know i cant and i wont. for the first time in my life i wont. plus if i go back to her my parents said there done with me. so what do i do? she told me her parents wont help her and she doesn't have a cell phone or a car or money so i feel terrible because i still love her and i know shes scared. to be honest i was so nice on the phone and im the only one talking to her now and she was just mad because i left her last night and i wont give her my laptop to use as communication . so im home now and i have no intention to helping her. this is the first time i did this, i left and ended the torment. it took me 4 years. what do i do, how do i feel, help me please.


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC

Hi Steven,



I'm glad that you recognized that this is a codependency problem and although you've had enough of her dysfunctional behavior, it's very hard to take a stand. Be assured that you're doing the right thing. Alcoholics are good manipulators and will do and say anything to get what they want.



Here's some additional information on codependency. It serves as a good reminder:

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/codependency.html



Use these facts to help you stay strong. She needs you because everyone else has her number and she's run out of support. She's upset with her situation, however, she's not taking responsibility for it.



You've lasted very long in this abusive relationship, and she will do everything possible to get you back. Tell her that she needs help and she should go to AA and get a sponsor. Tell her that she has to streighten up her life, because she's killing herself and you're not staying around to watch it. Tell her that you are not coming back and don't even want to talk to her unless she streightens up.



This is a hard line, but the only way an alcoholic will change is if they're pushed to do it. Right now your girlfriend has chosen the bottle over you. You deserve to be in a relationship where you're #1. Take this an opportunity to move on.



Your letter has been sitting in the general question pool for a few days and no one picked it up.  If you'd like a quicker response, feel free to e-mail me directly.



I hope this information is helpful

Thank you for asking AllExperts



Best of luck



Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com