my brother is an alcoholic

Question
ok, my brother is an alcoholic, he is 34 yrs old and has always had a problem with alcohol. recently, his wife got tired of it.. he went to jail for pushing her. a rep from court called me asking me to be assurity for him. I wanted to help him as I know no one will.. but I didnt because I knew it was best for him to be in jail.. i got a messgage from him saying he wasnt mad at me. ok, he got out of jail, was staying at my moms house, he was doing good.. but his wife wanted him to watch his kids.. so he went.. she sat around and had drinks while they played cards.. anyways.. she went out.. i talked to him that night.. he was ok.. but he said he was sp tempted to drink, he got a call from someone..inviting him ovver.. but he said no.. but he went later that night.. and that was it. hasnt been to my moms, havent heard from him.. until today.. he called me .. crying on the phone, i picked him up at a wineo's, who took him in, it was a rough house.. he has major shakes.. having dt's. i told him i wasnt going to help him .. he had to help himself. i took him home & he called the detox. he needs a medical done.. i found out today he is into crack too. he has a dr. appt tonight.. and hopefully if all goes well, he will be on the train to detox tomorrow.i took him back to the wine-o's becuase i didnt trust him at my house alone, i work. my mom & sister want no part of helping him but my question is: how can i be there for him, without him depending on me? my hopes for him is he go to detox , stay there until he gets into a long term treatment center & stay out there maybe a 1/2wayhouse. I love my brother and all i want to do is be there for him. my husband is there for me as he knows i want to help him. he doesnt bother me at all when he drinks.. he calls me when he is hurting. he tried to kill himself a few times before, i worry what if i didnt help him and he kills himself. my brother has always been there for me.. i want to do the same.i told him i would help him get to detox but he has to do it..so he made the call..just hope and pray all works out and he can be outta here.


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC

Hi Amanda,



It sounds like you're doing the best you can, with this difficult situation. And you?re fortunate to have a supportive husband who?s there for you.



The important thing is that you help your brother, but not enable him. Enabling does more harm than good.



Here's more info on that: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html



Until your brother gets settled into a treatment centre, suggest that he goes to AA meetings and when he?s ready, he should get a sponsor, so he can reach out  when the going gets tough. He may not want to do this because he?s still drinking, but the members will understand,  and their stories will help him see that it?s possible to turn his life around.



 If you haven't already done so,  go to Al-Anon. All the members are in similar situations, so you can talk freely and learn from their experiences.



It's frightening, because alcohol is a depressant and when your brother is down about his situation he has suicidal thoughts. He feels desperate. However, he made the call to the detox. This small gesture demonstrates that he wants to clean up. He ?s just having a very difficult time doing it.



Be assured that you?re doing the best you can do.  As they say in AA, take it one day at a time. He's lucky you and your husband are there for him.



Thank you for contacting AllExperts.

I notice that your e-mail was sitting in the general question pool for awhile.

If you'd like a quicker response, feel free to e-mail your question to my attention.



Regards,



Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com