My best friend/roommate drinks way too much

Question
I live with my best-male friend. He has been unemployed since August of '09. He started drinking an awful lot and his "immunity" to alcohol has obviously increased. He is now to the point of where he drinks between 12-18 beers on an average of 3-5 times a week. (That includes weekends). He will stay up all night (sometimes until 8am) drinking, then sleep all day long. He falls behind on things like school and doesn't job search. Then complains about how badly he wants a job. I texted him one day while not at home about helping him get on a schedule and sleep better, and he texted me back telling me to mind my own business basically. The next day, he talked about giving up caffine and such to help him not be so wired at night. Then he continued drinking. I texted him another time while not at home (because I am afraid he will go nuts if I confront him) and I just told him: "It's hard for me to be mad at you. I'm mostly mad because I care. And I can't stop, I'm sorry. I miss my friend." Well, he went all this week without drinking (meaning Mon, Tues, Wed night) Not much really. But great for him. He got on a schedule. Caught up his school work. Paid some bills with tax return money. Did a LITTLE job searching. Now tonight, he's in his room drinking. He tries to hide it from me (even though one night when drunk he admitted to me how he ATTEMPTS to hide it from me). What can I do? I'm fearful he will become enraged (not abusive, just very angry) at my approach. I know he has amazing potential, and he is an amazing and smart man. He just gets touchy when anyone tries to point him in the right direction.


Answer
Is he paying any bills? Or, has his lack of job and drinking consumed this role? I would invite a mutual friend over perhaps a male, and lay down the law. He is not suffering any consequences so he is going to continue doing what he is doing. You are enabling him by allowing him to stay at your home and continue drinking without job. If it were me I would ask the he either enter treatment or he no longer resides here. Believe me you will be saving his life. As long as he is not forced to face his problem he will not change. Are you familiar with al-anon. It is a support group for those who have loved ones who are alcoholics. They support each other and you can get some great advice on how to handle the situation. i know for me if my parents had kicked me out long before they did it would have saved me several years of hell and other consequences. If you decide to kick him out call the police and have them come over and inform them you are afraid it could turn violent or physical and you just need their support. If you want to present him with treatment options let me know and I will need your city or biggest city near you and state and i can locate some treatment centers and i will get them to you. Do not confront him alone. 2 reasons: safety and he cannot manipulate you into changing your mind or giving him a second chance. Believe me you will be doing what is best for him. You will be helping him. He will not see that now but he will down the road.



http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html   For you-al-anon

www.aa.org     For alcoholics anonymous





If you have other questions or need more advice please get back with me