memory blackouts and crazy behaviour when drunk

Question
Dear Druideck, I am writing as I suspect I may have a problem with alcohol, and am really at loss. Whilst I do not drink always, I definitely drink most evenings, between 2 and 5 glasses of wine. However, it's not this that worries me: I come from an Italian background where wine in the evening is considered a very normal part of life. What I am concerned about is the occasions in which I go well over the limit, and do / say things that I cannot even recall when I am sober. I have blackouts, and do not remember even when someone tells me what happened. Whilst I have been aware for a while of the badness of such effects of alcohol on me, the other day something happened that really made me pause and decide to seek for an expert's opinion. I was at a party with my best friend, and apparently started joking about him and saying to a bunch of people he hardly knows that he's a ''fag'' who had wanted to shag the guys we were talking to since the day he met them.  (apparently these are exactly the terms I used). My friend left the party and told me I was drunk. I do remember this, but I did not understand his anger, as I had absolutely no memory of what I'd said.

I adore my friend: he's one of the most amazing people I have met in my life. And I can only imagine I was trying to joke (very sad joke!) when I said what I said. But that doesn't change that I was a total idiot.

The result is that he now does not want to talk to me, and said he will not trust again being around me when I drink. I just do not understand how I can do / say such nasty things when I get drunk. I consider myself a good-hearted, supportive and rational person. What goes on in my head? Do I have an alcohol problem? And if yes, how can I solve it? This is not the first time something like this happens, but I have never hurt so gratuitously someone I care about so much.

Very much looking forward to your kind reply.

Thanks in advance.


Answer
Alex,



it is very commendable that you recognize

a possible problem with alcohol.



The illness that develops from

drinking affects our mind very much.

We can gradually do things that

we would not consider doing when sober.



A warning sign is when we cannot stop

drinking but feel compelled to continue

no matter the circumstances.



Alcoholism affects a person mentally,

emotionally, spiritually and physically.

All these aspects of a person

go downhill slowly.



I considered myself a decent person

but continually hurt people I cared about

when drinking. I became very self-centered

and selfish. I also had blackouts and

lost my car on one occasion.

I had no memory of where I was or

what I was doing or saying.



This can be very frightening and

I thought I would one day end

up in prison, insane or dead.

I had to quit drinking even though

I enjoyed it sometimes.

The positive no longer outweighed

the bad.



I tried to stop but found I could not,

I was addicted to alcohol.

I tried everything until I one

day saw a alcohol counsellor and

he sent me into a rehab/treatment

program for 21 days.



I still drank again. I finally started

going to alcoholics anonymous meetings.

This kept me sober when I finally

realized I could not be a drinker.

No more excuses.



I have been sober now for 24 years

and never regretted my decision.

My head is clear, I am good to my

friends and I have a good standing

at work and in my community.

These things are worth much more

than the occasional "high"

from alcohol.



I hope you will see a counsellor and

be assessed for a drinking problem.

Do what you need to do before all

the consequences become much worse.



Do it for yourself and the good

results will affect your friendships

in a positive way.

You may meet new friends on the road

to sobriety. Only good can come from

seeking help.



Good luck!