memory blackouts and crazy behaviour when drunk

Question
QUESTION: Dear Druideck, I am writing as I suspect I may have a problem with alcohol, and am really at loss. Whilst I do not drink always, I definitely drink most evenings, between 2 and 5 glasses of wine. However, it's not this that worries me: I come from an Italian background where wine in the evening is considered a very normal part of life. What I am concerned about is the occasions in which I go well over the limit, and do / say things that I cannot even recall when I am sober. I have blackouts, and do not remember even when someone tells me what happened. Whilst I have been aware for a while of the badness of such effects of alcohol on me, the other day something happened that really made me pause and decide to seek for an expert's opinion. I was at a party with my best friend, and apparently started joking about him and saying to a bunch of people he hardly knows that he's a ''fag'' who had wanted to shag the guys we were talking to since the day he met them.  (apparently these are exactly the terms I used). My friend left the party and told me I was drunk. I do remember this, but I did not understand his anger, as I had absolutely no memory of what I'd said.

I adore my friend: he's one of the most amazing people I have met in my life. And I can only imagine I was trying to joke (very sad joke!) when I said what I said. But that doesn't change that I was a total idiot.

The result is that he now does not want to talk to me, and said he will not trust again being around me when I drink. I just do not understand how I can do / say such nasty things when I get drunk. I consider myself a good-hearted, supportive and rational person. What goes on in my head? Do I have an alcohol problem? And if yes, how can I solve it? This is not the first time something like this happens, but I have never hurt so gratuitously someone I care about so much.

Very much looking forward to your kind reply.

Thanks in advance.



ANSWER: Alex,



it is very commendable that you recognize

a possible problem with alcohol.



The illness that develops from

drinking affects our mind very much.

We can gradually do things that

we would not consider doing when sober.



A warning sign is when we cannot stop

drinking but feel compelled to continue

no matter the circumstances.



Alcoholism affects a person mentally,

emotionally, spiritually and physically.

All these aspects of a person

go downhill slowly.



I considered myself a decent person

but continually hurt people I cared about

when drinking. I became very self-centered

and selfish. I also had blackouts and

lost my car on one occasion.

I had no memory of where I was or

what I was doing or saying.



This can be very frightening and

I thought I would one day end

up in prison, insane or dead.

I had to quit drinking even though

I enjoyed it sometimes.

The positive no longer outweighed

the bad.



I tried to stop but found I could not,

I was addicted to alcohol.

I tried everything until I one

day saw a alcohol counsellor and

he sent me into a rehab/treatment

program for 21 days.



I still drank again. I finally started

going to alcoholics anonymous meetings.

This kept me sober when I finally

realized I could not be a drinker.

No more excuses.



I have been sober now for 24 years

and never regretted my decision.

My head is clear, I am good to my

friends and I have a good standing

at work and in my community.

These things are worth much more

than the occasional "high"

from alcohol.



I hope you will see a counsellor and

be assessed for a drinking problem.

Do what you need to do before all

the consequences become much worse.



Do it for yourself and the good

results will affect your friendships

in a positive way.

You may meet new friends on the road

to sobriety. Only good can come from

seeking help.



Good luck!























































































































---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------



QUESTION: Many thanks for your clear and prompt reply. I do have another problem, however, as I am currently living in a development country, and I do not have easy access to counsellors. I know I could possibly go and see someone through the international organization I work for, but I also know it would not be confidential - if, for no other reason, that anyone could see me walk in (there's a lot of expats working in the same compound). Do you have any recommendation?

Many thanks again


Answer
Alex,



if you do a search online there are many

self-assesments for problem drinking.

I have listed a few below.

Links to tests:

http://www.alcoholscreening.org/

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/alcohol-mast/index.html

http://alcoholism.about.com/library/blalcoholquiz.htm

http://www.pamf.org/teen/risk/alcohol/quiz.html



Once you have established that you

have a problem the next step

is acceptance and attending as

many AA meetings as possible for

the first few months.



If you find that you can drink

and stop abrubtly anytime

then perhaps you are not

addicted to alcohol.



If you feel a craving for a drink

when you are not drinking this

is another strong warning sign.



You should be able to take it or

leave it anytime, this indicates

that you still have the power of

choice. Once addiction sets in you

will not be able to stop without AA

meetings regularly.



AA substitutes for those times

when you crave to be drinking.

After a time you may lose the

desire for drinking and enjoy

being sober. You will lose any

regret you may feel in the beginning

about quitting.



Take the online tests honestly and

be open to a change if you sense

something may be wrong.



Get as much AA literature as

you can in your area.

It may help you until you

are able to talk to an alcohol

counsellor.



There is alot of information online

but remember that the longest sober

people have used AA's program to

get by and solve their problem.

Most other "cures" end in relapse

to drinking at some point.



It is a deadly illness if allowed

to progress. Many people

have died before getting help.

They have lost their friends and

their self-respect as well.

It is a big problem for many people

worldwide. I hope you will take

all the precautions you can.



Good luck!