Married and lost

Question
Hi! My husband has a problem with alcohol. My problem is that his parents are enabling him, mean while it is destroying my life. My husband is not what many people consider to be a typical alcoholic. He simply withdrew from life.... he put a tv out on our patio; drinks, smokes and watches tv all day out there. He put off taking a test he needed to start his new job for three months because his mother was paying for everything for him and he just drank. My husband was recently diagnosed with adult onset diabetes. After two years he was told that he probably is not a true diabetic but that it is a symptom of a greater problem, damage to his liver. When his diabetes is out of check he is extremely irritable and makes no sense and there is no reasoning with him. Before I met my husband he was a cocaine addict (used for 3 years). In his mind he quit on his own and does not see that he transferred it to alcohol. His entire family sees it as he conquered cocaine and he has already hit rock bottom. I was able to take a first step and told him I can not live with someone who drinks and treats me this way and asked him to move out. Leaving is tough because One card is in his name the other is in both our names, but I can not afford the payment-at any rate he threatens to take both cars. He does not see that if you truly love someone and they told you that you were doing something to hurt them at you would quit because you love them. Instead he looks at is that he is being forced to change and why isn't anyone else changing. At this point I do not know if I just truly love him or it is we've been together so long its hard to lose him. I do care about what happens to him but I have him and his family working against me so I don't know if I can really make all that big of a difference.  


Answer
As addcits and alcoholic in the midst of our addiction the alcohol or drug is the most important thing in our life. It has such a grip on us. We give up everything for it. We will choose it over you. I know that is hard for others to understand. We drink to live and drink to live. AS long as his parents enable him he will never change. What consequences is he suffering? He has mom and dad to bail him out of everything. Sounds like everyone needs to attend Al-Anon. A great support group and resource group. Go for yourself. I'm proud of you for taking that first step. Looking back, I couldn't imagine anyone staying with me the way i was either. You deserve better. He has to do what he has to do. He may not be ready to quit and until he is nothing else will matter, not even you or the marriage or kids. He must hit rock bottom but you can't sit back and babysit a grown man until he is ready to stop drinking. Have you provided him with the local AA number? If not go to www.aa.org and research meetings in your area and give him the number. That is the best you can do for him. You have offered him help. It's up to him to take it. Or, you can all AA to come out and do a 12th step call where we talk to the person about the program and how are lives have changed after being in the same boat he is in. Then we leave literature and it is up to him to contact us. We don't contact him. Then, you have done all you can to ehlp him. Good luck. Stay Strong. Remember we promise the world only to deliver trash. Watch his actions. Don't listen to his words.