its so hard

Question
my partner is in the early stages of rehab and i am so proud of him for making the choice to get help, the problem is i call him everyday and visits are not permitted yet, the programme his on works on them coming out prescription drug free also,which has meant bringing him off of sleeping tablets and anti depressants  which has meant this past week he has been very down and has been talking of wanting to come home, which i know he would regret, he doesn't find it easy to talk and is struggling to get into the strict programme he is on, i try to stay positive when i talk to him and encourage him, but he is now asking me how long he has to stay before he can come home which i have found very upsetting for me, i understand its his way of passing the responsibility of this decision and i have told him i can not make that choice for him, but its not unknown for him to disappear for days and not contact anyone and i do not want this to happen, i look forward to talking to him but am now finding i am almost dreading calling because of what i am going to hear. the rehab centre he is in does not offer family sessions but i have phoned and spoken to his key working and voiced my concerns but because of their confidentiality policy they can not talk to me, i feel very low myself as i miss him terribly he was not aggressive in any way,  any thoughts please.


Answer
Dear Tina



My experience is that you have to let him stay as long as the professionals recommend and trust that he will come out of it healthy. The most common cause of relapse is release from rehab before the person is ready. You have to understand that it is his addiction that wants to get out and he will manipulate you through guilt and victimhood to get him out of there. You have to be strong for him while he can't be. Otherwise it could kill him. Good luck.