is my dad an alcoholic?

Question
at first the word alcoholic scared me, but now i just want to no if he is one. 2 years ago he got a dui, and it isnt that once he starts drinking he cant stop, it is more that the only time he isnt drinking is when he is at work, he told me he has 4-6 beers per day. but that meand that it is more around 6-7. but he never really gets drunk, he just drinks. when he drinks we always fight about everything, cause it gives him a small temper, so we hardly go a day without yelling at each other. he goes to the bar 3-4 times in a week, not including weekends. i feel like that is all he does is go out on our deck, sip his beer and smoke while reading. once he somes inside somethimes he will say things and promise things, then i tell him he promised me something the next day, and he starts yelling at me saying he never said any of that. i asked him if he was an alcoholic and he said he could stop anytime he wanted, but i am not so sure he can.



          thanks for reding, please answer!!!

              caitlin


Answer
Hi Caitlin,



It does sound like your dad has a

drinking problem. Most people

don't need to drink that often

unless they are using alcohol

to wrongly deal with stress or

they are alcoholic.

The dui, anger, memory blackouts

and denial of any problem all

point to alcoholism.

His statement that "he can

stop anytime if he wanted"

is also characteristic of alcoholics

denying their problem and

dependency on drinking.



Alcoholism is not always so obvious in the beginning

but it is a progressive illness which

means it eventually gets worse.

At this point he may not be actually

addicted but the day will come when

he will not be able to stop on his own.



Often the rage acted out when drinking

may be some bottled up fear, anger

and other emotions he has buried

inside. The drinking allows the release

of these feelings in a bad way.



If he is headed for alcoholism then

he will not be open to quitting his

drinking. He will not be able to imagine

life without drinking.



If you notice a strong resistance to

suggestions that he stop because

of his outbursts then he already

has an alcohol problem in development.



Of course you are not in any way

responsible for his problem

as he is an adult.

He picked up these drinks himself

and can blame no one for that.

Recovering is also up to him.



I would suggest at this point that

you do these online tests honestly

as if you were him and pay attention to the results,

also talking to an alcohol counsellor

might help you see where he is at.



Links to tests:

http://www.alcoholscreening.org/

http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/alcohol-mast/index.html

http://alcoholism.about.com/library/blalcoholquiz.htm

http://www.pamf.org/teen/risk/alcohol/quiz.html



This tests are very valid in identifying problem drinking

and alcoholism. If he fails them he is headed for

future disaster.



Try to remember to take care of yourself

first in this as there is no guarantee

that he will want to stop drinking.

Many drinkers continue to drink even

when it causes many problems.



This is an illness that cannot be

treated without counselling and AA

meetings to start.

You cannot control a drinking illness

by complaining, threatening, hiding

alcohol or making a person feel guilty.

You can get him some information

on alcoholism but you can not

control his drinking.



Your first priority is to take

care of yourself and work on

improving your own life.

If he sees this it may rub off.

Fighting with a drinker is a lost

cause, give up trying to get him

to make promises as he will

likely not keep them and they

only lead to arguements.



Luck!