I've left my alcoholic boyfriend but now what do i do?

Question
My ex-boyfriend and i were together for 3 years and lived together for two.we are both 32yrs old. When we moved in together thats when i realised he had a problem with drink. He'd drink for 4-6 days, then stay sober for a week then do it all again. He'd be in the pub at 9 in the morning and not leave till closing time.sometimes he wouldnt even come home and just stay at a mates house. I was a nervous wreck all the time. We would have so many arguments about his drinking and sometimes he was violent.



We split up 6 weeks ago because he was drunk and beat me up and smashed the house up. I called the police but a week later i withdrew my statement because he begged me to. He was so nice to me but when i withdrew the statement he just fair play and laughed. He doesnt want us to get back together anymore because he says i cause him to drink.



My problem is that its all got to much for me to handle. I thought i would be relieved when i split up with him. Instead im so depressed and cant stop crying all the time.I have never felt this low. I still love him so much even though i know he was awful to me. Although the more i think about the more i think its my fault. I did nag him so much about his drinking. Even when he wasnt drinking i was always on edge wondering when he'd go drinking next and then we'd argue about that. I lent him so much money as well and i know i'll never get that back.



I spoke to him the other evening and he said he felt sorry for me cause i just cant get over him.He's right.He now lives with his parents and he still drinks but not as much as he did when he lived with me. So maybe it was my fault. He said he doesnt love me and never did. We live in a small village and he said everyone is talking about me and how mental i am. Im to scared to even go outside the front door cause i think people are talking about me. Im really scared because i have never felt this low. Any advice for me would be truly helpfull.


Answer
Shannon,



it is natural to feel down when you

break up with someone. We always

dream of things being better than

they turn out.

You have to remember how bad things

were so you will not be tempted

to repeat the past.



This guy is still abusing you

because of your attraction to him.

He has said he doesn't care and

so what do you expect to get from

from him?



He has a drinking problem and this

is not caused by you or anyone else.

This is his problem to deal with.

You do not hit people you love.

He is full of anger and has to deal

with his own problems before he will

ever be able to have a good relationship

with anyone.

He took your money and your self-respect,

is this the kind of guy you want?



You are suffering a symptom similar

to addiction, you see him as the source

of your good feelings even though he

hurt you.



The way he loves alcohol this is the way you love him.

This is a relationship addiction.

It is not healthy and he will certainly

abuse you more if you do not get

help or counselling.



Many women return to abusers many times

sometimes they lose their lives

in an angry outburst.

I suggest you talk to someone

at a womens shelter or an alcohol

coulsellor. The best books in the

world about this are written by

Robin Norwood, "Women who love too much"

Get her books online or ebay or check

the library and bookstores.



You really need to avoid this guy

and start reading these books.

Talk to someone soon, don't

sit alone and be sad about losing

a loser. You can rise above this

and be strong, happy and free.



Take Care!