i dont know what to do!!!

Question
im in a relation ship with a man that has a really bad drinking problem!! im 6 months pregnant with his child but i also have a 2 year old from someone else !! at first my boyfriend used to drink only on the weekends now it seems like he'll use any excuse to go out and drink and when i say something he just says that well i never paid for any of my drinks and i should be able to do what i want !!! now how do i put up with this because i feel selfish for making my unborn child and my 2 year old go through this!!! i feel that theres no way out that its all my fault or at least that how he wants me to feel!!! he went as far as to call the cops on me for dumping his beer out and he was so drunk that the next day all he sayd was i dont remenber!!!!! so please help me with some advice!!!


Answer
Catia,



it sounds like you are living with someone

that has many behaviour problems and probably

a drinking problem as well.



If he wants to treat you with disrespect

and ignore his bad behaviours then you may

be forced to find another place to live

unless you can call the police to help

you to evict him.



If he has a drinking problem then he is

the one that has to get help for it.

Your priority should be to take care

of yourself and your children first.

If you ignore these warning signs things

will only get worse.



He may continue to drink and treat you

badly. You must decide if it is worth

staying with him.

He may continue to blame you for his problems.

At some point you will feel so bad about

yourself you will just accept his bad treatment.



This is the cycle you experience with abusive men.

He is not going to change overnight or maybe never.

Either you start making some plans for yourself

or live with a man that drinks and acts abusive.



If you can not reason with him then he is probably

addicted to alcohol. His behaviour will get worse

over time until he gets help.

Arguments and lectures will not affect him.

Don't waste your time.



Start ignoring his drinking and behaviour

and start doing what you need to do

for you and your kids. You can not change him,

this is his responsibility if he wants to keep you around.

Don't let him treat you badly, he needs to learn how

to respect you. Don't ever accept being treated

in an abusive way. But also stop complaining and

dumping his beer! You cannot stop alcoholism this way.

Give up trying to control him, he must be left to

face his problems without interference.

Go to Al-Anon meetings for help and

put yourself first.



Good luck!