Functioning Alcoholics

Question
I believe myself to be a fully functioning alcoholic. In fact, I have made the most improvement to myself and my personal relationships as an alcoholic. I have found my perfect mate, I have a wonderful relationship with my son and his father (my ex-husband), and I am pursuing a college degree. Sometimes I'm not entirely sure if I'm an alcoholic or just have a dependency on alcohol. To some, it may be one in the same. I am 29 and I have been drinking regularly since I was about 24 (I started when I was 14). I started off with just 3 or 4 glasses of red wine a night. About 5 years ago; just after starting my regular drinking, I met the love of my live. He drank about 3 or 4 beers a night. Not long after we got together - about 4 1/2 years ago, we increased our drinking and moved onto hard liquor. Now we (we live together) typically drink any where from 8 to 20 whiskey and cokes per night. We work early jobs but do not typically start drinking until after 5:00pm, however we do tend to stay up very late and we can get downright obscene with the amount of alcohol we can drink on a weekend. We both know we have issues with alcohol, but neither one of us can seem to control it when it's just the two of us. We have issues with asking family for help because he does not want to deal with his mother's lectures and I know I have alcoholism on my side of the family that is still being dealt with. My grandmother was a recovering alcoholic and my father, I believe, is in exactly the same place I am. To make the situation worse, neither one of us would be open to AA because he is agnostic and I am atheist. And for the cherry on top.. I am pursuing a career as a police officer and I am concerned that getting any type of help will jeopardize my success at that goal.

I am looking forward to any insight you (or anyone else) may have into my situation. Thank you.


Answer
Jenifer,

Please understand as I preface my response by saying sometimes I get questions where I have to doubt the seriousness of the questioner.  Let me say there are some pranksters that like to have fun with free advice websites such as All Experts.



I say this because I can't imagine you and your boyfriend can call yourselves "functioning alcoholics" drinking the amount you do.



Let me take some other points here, assuming the veracity of this message:



1) There is no "functional alcoholism."  It is just a matter of how much overuse of alcohol is negatively affecting someone's life.  Just because someone has the external appearances intact (job, residence, car, money) doesn't mean their use of alcohol is non-problematic.



2) You are not sure if you're an alcoholic or just have a dependency on alcohol?  Neither of these labels should make you feel comfortable about what you're doing.  Your consumption rate is universally recognized as very unsafe and harmful.



3) I can't tell if you are really defining a problem here for which you are seeking assistance.  If you are asking me if your drinking is a problem or not, I think you know what my answer is going to be.  But it makes no difference what someone thinks, if you are inclined to see your use as benign.



4) You seem to be blocking any way to approach getting help, if help is what you really want.  I sense you will continue to rationalize away getting, even at the very least, an evaluation, which might advise how to proceed.  I say this because you and your boyfriend are, in my view, in an extreme state of denial, and will only respond to change when all hell breaks loose.  I can tell you, with 26 years of experience working with alcoholics and addicts, you are headed for some very, very serious problems if you do not at least moderate your use of alcohol.



Treatment is protected by confidentiality laws; they are some of the most strict of all.  I've had lots of law enforcement personnel in treatment and I've never heard of a problem affecting their employment.  You have a chance to alter this situation before you complete your career goals, and I urge you to do so.



Best,

Peter