"I don't want to stop drinking"

Question
My friend drinks five or six bottles of wine a day.  She is not the type of drinker who falls down or anything like that, and if you didn't know her you wouldn't even know she was drunk.  She is 37.  Her boyfriend kicked her out.  She lost her job as a restaurant GM making six figures and is now sleeping on my mom's couch.  That is how far down she has fallen.  Her parents sent her to rehab but she drank on the way home.  Two weeks ago her mom died of cancer and even though she was more attached to her than anyone on earth, my friend was not there for her mom like she should have been.  She is very social and always had a lot of friends but everyone has cut her off.  Her dad barely speaks to her brother not at all.  She has been with my mom since October and we have been giving her until her mom died before we make her get her life together but I had a disturbing conversation with her yesterday.  To sum it all up she says she does not want to quit drinking.  She also recently told me that she tried coke twice!  I keep hoping she will get a DUI or even a small accident but she is so pretty and sober looking when she gets pulled over (a lot) they never suspect.  Can I call the police on her without her finding out?  I know enough not to ever give her money or anything just a place to sleep.  Now that her mom has died now what do I do?  I am afraid she will kill someone or herself because her favorite thing to do is take long drives.  Please help.


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC

Hi Lisa,



You're witnessing your friend's self distruction and you can't do anything about it. Unfortunately, neither the police, her doctor nor everyone else can help her either. No one can mandate an adult into treatment, regardless of what she's doing to herself.



If she drives, that's another story. She can be picked up for a DUI, fail a breathalizer etc.....and hopefully doesn't hurt anyone in the process. Then she can be mandated to treatment (and perhaps jail). This can be a huge wake up call to turn her life around.



Talking to her, reasoning with her -- all this is doomed for failure, at this point, because she's in denial and 'doesn't want to stop'. As her friend, you have to take a hard line with her. She will be angry with you and everyone else who doesn't do what she wants, but she has to sink even lower to finally get the help she needs.



Tell her you care for her. But although you're not giving her money, she still has a place to sleep. Give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you want her to go to AA or go into treatment,  or she must find another place to crash.



Your friend is participating in risky behavior and the more you know, the more you're emotionally involved. I know this is difficult, but for your benefit and hers, be caring but stand firm.  Right now, alcohol is closer to her than her family or friends. Only when she lets go of the drink, can you reconnect and become friends once again.



I hope this information is helpful



Thank you for writing AllExperts



Best of luck!!



Beverley Glazer

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com