Confused by alcoholic ex

Question
Hi Todd.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.  I was involved with an alcoholic for 3 years.  For the first 6 months he was in and out of hospital after drinking binges.  He would drink for 4 days or so, dry out for a few then do it all again.  He then decided he wanted to join the army, he felt it would give him direction. I supported him in this so moved from my home into his while he was away and cared for his teenage children. Of course he came home on leave for Xmas etc and but all he did was drink. He was then posted to the other side of the country so the kids and I packed up and moved to be with him.  His time in the forces lasted 2 years all up.  They discharged him because of his drinking, he was awol a lot.  I couldn't take any more, he was drunk more than he was sober.  In fact if you added up the total days together he was sober the whole time, they wouldn't come to more than a couple of months.  I moved back to my home town to be with my family and friends.  That was 3 months ago.  Then I got a phone call a month ago out of the blue from him to say that he was giving up the drink for good.  He also seemed to think if he did this I would chuck everything in back here and go running back to the other side of the country again!  I doubt very much that he is going to AA (he has only ever been when forced) and the only counselling he would be receiving is minimal. He has also taken anti alcohol drugs in the past which he reports as not being helpful (especially the ones you can't drink on!!). My question is - do you think it is possible for someone like this who is an alcoholic and has been most of their adult life from what I can make out to all of a sudden make such a dramatic change almost over night.  I'm not about to make any dramatic changes to my life like dropping everything and running across the country again but if I thought there was reason for optimism I would keep in contact with him and see where it goes.  On the other hand, I'm working hard to get my life back on track and don't want to sabotage myself by hanging on to what may not be worth hanging on to.  Hope this makes sense.  Thanks for your time.


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC

Hi Anne,



It's Bev here, not Todd.



Seems like you've been up and down quite a rocky road with this guy, but you're now in a good place, and not simply going to leave because he says he's stopped drinking. That's a good thing.



To answer your question: Yes, it's possible for an alcoholic to stop 'cold turkey'. But he also has to learn to live a life without escaping to alcohol whenever he's lonely, frustrated, angry, happy etc. This is what AA calls being a 'dry drunk' - someone who doesn't know what to do with his emotions and is in a nasty mood, because he needs a drink, but  not taking it. These people can be miserable and make everyone around them just as miserable.  For this reason AA has a psychological aspect to the program -- doing the Steps.



Here's what they are: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/12-step-program-of-aa.html



He's supposed to work the steps with his sponsor, which is quite a humbling experience.



It's a good thing that he stopped drinking, but he still should go to meetings, pick a sponsor and work on the steps, or see an addiction counselor to help him overcome the issues that brought him to addiction in the first place. Suggest that he gets the help that he needs, but if he doesn't, be very cautious about his long term recovery.



Don't give up anything that's you've taken so long to build. Recovery is a long hard road, and this guy doesn't have much of a track record. Take it really slowly with this guy.



I hope this information is helpful,

Thank you for asking AllExperts



Good luck!!



Bev,

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com