Binge Drinking

Question
For a long time, I have accused my husband of being an alcoholic, but he is convinced that he is NOT because he goes for long periods of time with out drinking.  Without fail, every time he drinks he drinks to the point of black-out, and  most of the time he drives himself home.  I know the second he opens his mouth he is drunk.  (His facial expressions change, his face appearance changes, even his vocabulary changes) I  used to confront him in this state, and it took me 8 years of marriage to figure out this was not the time! He hides beer bottles, lies about where he is or was, and in between binges he makes me feel like all of his misery is my fault.  It is hard to not take his disease personal. I have reached out numerous ways to try to get him help. I read a response you gave to someone that said to learn to not hate your husband but hate the disease, but it is difficult to not take his words personal.  Both of my parents are alcoholics (both deep in denial, and I am scared of going to Alanon meetings.  I am sinking into a deep depression, and I feel I am running out of options.

Am I crazy, or am I on the right track? I bought a hand held Breathalizer -- the man will be so drunk he will tell me he has not had a drop to drink and then blow a .19bac.  (I even video taped this happening) We have two girls who are 13 and 7 years old, and I am scared he will be in such denial that he may make a decision that will harm them.  

I am beginning to think I am in denial about my situation and using depression as a way to ignore my situation entirely and let his addiction continue to run our lives.  Is there therapy out there for me, and how do I explain my situation to the operator who says "whats the appointment for" ?

Thank you

Lost in Longbeach


Answer
Of course there is therapy. I'm alcoholic and sounds like he is full pledged even though it doesn't happen daily. It's not how much it happens it's how it happens and what happens when drunk. Al-Anon would be wonderful for you. It's a great welcoming and comforting group.  You don't have to talk if you don't want to. You can go to I'm assuming you are in Longbeach, CA. Here is the Al-anon info. for your area. You can have someone meet you at a meeting so you don't walk in by yourself.



LOS ANGELES - Al-Anon Family Groups of So. California (818-760-7122# 4936 Lankershim Blvd, N. Hollywood, 91601 #888-684-6444 meeting info only#, www.alanonla.org or email: centraloffice@alanonla.org



I went to the AAMFT website and researched Marriage and Family Therapists#which I recommend for you.) I located an excellent agency. They deal with depression, marriage problems, addiction and recovery. They have many therapists in practice. Start here to make an appointment for yourself to begin taking care of you:



http://www.insightgroup.org/index.html



It should be located in your area. If not write back and I'll find more. Good luck. Let me know how things go.