Alcoholism?

Question
I have been with my husband for 12 years and married for three. He drinks about once a week and it usually ends in a 5am night. This has progressed to 5am nights. We have a combo drinking and gambling thing going on. Poker night, Fantasy football and anything and everything he can bet on. Now, I have teenagers that are not his and I am concerned about them being affected by this. I know they are aware of what he does. He doesn't blatently do it in front of them but they see the aftermath. Parents who don't speak to each other. He is verbally abusive and seems to be depressed and angry. I have resorted to not enabling him. i stay home and don't drive but others will drive him around. What should I do to save my marriage?


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA., I

Hi Heather,



As you can see, your husband's drinking is progressing, but right now, he may be abusing alcohol, but not have a dependency. Only a professional assessment can tell you if he's an alcoholic at this point.



The big problem is that he's in denial of all his addictive behaviors as well as being encouraged by his buddies. Because you're not supportive, you've become the 'bad guy'. It's not pleasant, but stand firm and continue not to enable him.



The abusive, depressive behavior is all part of his drinking/gambling behavior and here's where you have an opening.



Tell him that you love him and you don't want to leave but you are upset with all the arguments (that type of thing). Tell him that the kids know something's going on and that for the sake of the family the two of you need help.



Check out couple counseling. You may be able to find it for free through the church or otherwise on a sliding scale. Al-anon would also be helpful. You can develop a support system as well as get information on other resources in your community.



I hope this information is helpful.

This will not an easy situation, but I encourage you to stay strong!



Thank you for asking AllExpert,



Best of luck,



Bev

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