Alcoholic finace we broke up

Question
the first year of our relationship was awsum and i was ready to marry this woman.  We took a trip to Las Vegas with friends and did a lot of drinking there.   after that trip she began to drink more and more until there were times when she would wonder out of the bar we were in and walk up the street.  Once i found her laying in the street.  she would also get very agitated and angry when she was drunk.   After a while she forgot to come home several times when she started drinking after work at happy hour with her friends from work, leaving the children and house unattended to.   i heard she ended up at the new guys house.  its very hard on me and my children but i am trying to make this recent break up stick because i don't want a woman that does these things in my children life and i think i deserve better...any advice on helping the pain and making this stick?


Answer
Hi Jason,



Well, it's obvious your wife has developed a very seious substance abuse problem, or may have had one all along that she concealed.  



You dont' say if she ever sought out treatment, but that would have been one of the few chances to reverse this very unfortunate situation.  



You indicate that you're now living apart, but have children together.  Do you and your partner still communicate?  I wonder if she might consider treatment at this point.  Barring any other problems in your relationship, if she became sober, there might be a chance for you both, and for the children to be raised in a household with both parents present.  Would you be willing to consider that?  



I know you are struggling to accept what's happened, but if you are still communicating, I urge you to discuss treatment with your partner.  She must be in pretty dire straits herself at this point, likely drinking with the person you say she has taken up with.  



If there is no hope for the relationship, and you've really soul-searched it, I would recommend you seek out a counselor who can help you work through this very sad and stressful time.  If you see it in your heart to accept her back again, make it with the condition that she seeks and stays in treatment.  Recovery from alcoholism is difficult and takes time.  You will ultimately have to forgive her for the pain and sorrow she had inflicted on you if your relationship is to move forward.



I hope this helps,

Peter