Alcoholic brother threatening suicide

Question
Hello,



My name is Katrina and I am 21 years old.  I have a brother who is 26 and has been suffering alcoholism for about 5 years now.  It mostly began when his father died.  I have tried everything to help him, and I thought he hit his bottom after he rolled his car 4 times drunk, breaking his leg and 6 of his ribs.  He was required to go to jail for a few days and to do a treatment program as well as AA.  I talked to him about his experience and he said it was good except AA because it was "stupid".



My brother is generally a very kind and outgoing person, at least he was before his disease.  Shortly after he was "enlightened," he began drinking again and continues to do so from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed.



My mother is also an alcoholic, but on a lesser extent.  She is an enabler for my brother.  I have been in a sense "taking care" of my brother since his alcoholism began.  I am the closest person to him in the world, and I still haven't been able to help him.  I have tried being angry, upset, and helpful and nothing has worked.  He has attempted suicide once before and threatens it all the time.  He has told me directly, "I just want to kill myself. I want to fall asleep and never wake up."  This concerns me because his father died the same way by an overdose on oxy-contin and his grandmother overdosed on an entire bottle of sleeping pills two years ago.  I am very concerned for his life.



On another note, I am having him and my mother over for Thanksgiving next week.  I don't know what to do.  Should I tell him there is no drinking allowed at all?  Should I put him on a limit?  I do not want him to be drunk when he is here.  I just don't know what to do.  I am worried that if I tell him he can't drink here then he will not come at all.



Please help.


Answer
Dear Katrina



If you are "taking care of him" then you are an enabler as well. You have to let go of him and let him stand on his own two feet. He is using threats of suicide to manipulate you. You have every right to have boundaries of sobriety for him and your mother to be in your home. If they don't come, then that is their decision. You may want to get some counseling about co-dependence. Good luck.