Alcoholic boyfriend.

Question
My boyfriend is an alcoholic; he denies it though. He says he is still young and enjoying his life. He drinks every single day. He always has an excuse or creates occasions for drinking. He's father is also an alcoholic. We found out recently that his father suffers from Cirrhosis of the Liver. The doctor said he has 3 months at the most. I thought that this would create a turning point for my boyfriend, that he would realize drinking causes severe consequences. Instead he refuses to talk about it, he's avoiding his parents and the drinking continues.

We initially dated for almost 2 years. I broke up with him because of his drinking. We were separated for 3 years with no contact, we bumped into each other again and we've been together now for over a year. The break up made him drink even more, the three years apart he was drinking excessively and he got into a serious car accident(drunk driving).



I'm afraid if I leave him again it will add to he's drinking problem. I tried to leave him, but it caused him to be suicidal. I can't leave him now having to deal with the current situation regarding his father's health. I asked him if he needed help. I told him I'll be there every step of the way. He insists that he doesn't have a problem. He has the best excuses or reasons for why or when he is drinking. His entire family thinks I'm trying to control him, and that I am always judging him and hurting his feelings. His mother knows that he has a problem, I have discussed it with her. She always says the following: " There is nothing I can do, he is not going to change. You have to accept him this way or move on".



I don't know what to do, I can't force him to seek professional help.



What do I do?


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC

Hi Lindie,



You can't force your boyfriend to seek professional help, to join AA  or stop drinking. The alcoholic must have a wake-up call , and as you know, sometimes it doesn't happen. His mother has been through it and she gives the right advice " You have to accept him this way or move on."



There are a few things that you can do, however. You must not enable him in any way. Here's some information on enabling.



Http://www.untwist-your-thinking..com/enabling-behavior.html



Also, you must stop allowing him to blackmail you with threats of suicide, or guilt you to stay during his time of need. Alcoholics are great manipulators.



Stop nagging him, because it drives you crazy. But take mental notes about this relationship. He may be the greatest guy, but right now he's choosing alcohol over his relationship with you. You can probably get strength from Al-Anon meetings or codependency groups, but if he doesn't change, and must move on.



I hope this information is helpful,



Thank you for asking AllExperts.



I notice that your e-mail was not picked up from the question pool for seven days. If you'd like a quicker response feel free to contact me directly.



Good luck,



Bev

http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com