Diet & Aerobics

Q:

I'm new here (Downloaded "Power to the People" last night). What role can Diet and aerobics (Sprints, treadmill, etc.) play in this program? I've read Pavel's articles in Muscle Media, and the article on Volume training (It seems there's a difference in that article and what Pavel teaches), but it seems to me that the "Power to the People" routine can put on fat because of the short time to workout, and the breaks between sets. Can anyone share any of their experiences with me? Thanks.

Re:

The PTP won't put on fat- food will. PTP will build dense muscle that will burn more energy than the way it was before even though the size may stay the same. Diet and aerobics will do the same thing to this as it would to any other workout program- make it faster. Get the Natural Hormonal Enhancement book off of this site. For the record I like Bill Philips' "aerobic solution" which makes doing them a lot less boring and his cycle of weights one day and aerobics the next is in line with your body's fat burning/muscle building hormones which probably explains why his mag is so popular (lots of people getting good results) but his diet is ... just read the NHE book.

Confused!

Question
Hi Di, well here goes, I have been in this relationship for nine years now, and married six. We have three children one boy 6yrs and two girls 7yrs and 9 yrs. He has always been a drinker but what i would call a functional one , he manages his buisness (he is self employed) but has never managed his stress,and with that comes the drink, or the excuse to drink. His father was a heavy drinker and so to are his siblings. My trouble is that when he is sober and not hungover he is lovely,he has a good heart and loves us dearly, but is that enough? i don't know what to do anymore. Its like living with Dr Jeycall an Mr Hyde. When we are with his family and friends things are ok ish as they all know what he is like and kind of accept it(to a degree kind of ish), but with my family and friends its a different matter , he gets drunk rants and raves won't really listen to anyone, he has managed to alienate me from all those i love and care about, i dread going out as it usually ends up with him in a row . He also drinks on his own at home, he comes in from work goes straight up to the study and will drink at least one bottle of red wine often followed with beers, it dosen't sound much but he doesn't eat much ,usually a sandwich during the day then dinner late b 4 passing out .We have been to councelors in the past, and he even managed one session of AA but that only solidified in his head that there was no need for concern as everyone he met  were much heavier drinkers than him and he never  drinks in the morning, although thats probably because he tends to sleep a very long time, then never has the energy to wan't to do much and tends to be very quiet and withdrawn ,its one extreem to the other, i'm tired and more than anything i am worried about the effect of his behaviour  on the children , The lack of respect he has for others more  over the lack of respect  he has for himself is frightening, and i don't ever ever wan't them to think this is acceptable. Unfortunatley i am financially dependant upon him as i am at university re training and don't have my own money. I have been in this position so many times before saying the same things over and over, i have cried all my tears, i am numb, and hurt and pretty scared about the prospects, i don't want to fail my family, or cause any hurt and i know that is what will happen, and why in the past i have plasterd over the cracks this is when drink gets put away but always slowly creeps back. What is a wife/mummy to do i just don't know any more.


Answer
Hi Helen



I feel for you in this difficult situation and the Jekyll and Hyde behaviour that you have described is very common with people who are alcohol dependent. It is difficult to understand how someone that you love and know to be a good and kind person can change into such a selfish, devious and nasty person after the abusive drinking of alcohol. It doesn?t make him a ?bad? person but alcohol is a mind-altering substance and when consumed in excess causes behavioral and personality changes.



Alcoholics have many different drinking patterns and whilst some start to drink as soon as they get up in the morning, others don't drink until they get home, having managed to function surprisingly well through the day hiding their habit from those around them. "Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors" and while people on the outside may see your husband as the good Dr Jekyll you and your children are seeing the other side of him and taking the brunt of his abusive and unacceptable behavior.



The excuse that AA isn't for him because he's different and not as bad as the other people there, is typical of someone who is in denial and the fact that other members of his family, also heavy drinkers, play along with him adds weight to his argument that he doesn?t have a problem.



Alcoholism is a powerful and complex disease and the affected person will do anything to maintain his habit. The excuses, the lies, the denial and the defensiveness are all part of his survival. Clearly your husband needs to get help but until he accepts that he?s got a problem nothing is likely to change.



You say that when you are with his family things are ?ok ish? and things have got so bad with your friends and family that you have become alienated from them. Is that what you want for you and your children? An ?ok ish? marriage and poor family relationships?



It?s time to confront him with your concerns and the truth of how you are really feeling. I understand that you are feeling powerless because you are financially dependent on your husband and fearful of what the future may hold but unless you take steps to address this, things will only get worse. Clearly things haven?t got bad enough for him yet and he?s not ready to make changes so the only person who can change is you.



You need to work out what you want for you and your children and you need to set boundaries with clear consequences of what will happen if these are broken. I know this won?t be easy for you, but as long as you continue to suffer in silence and continue to prop him up nothing will change and things will get worse.



I strongly recommend that you go to an Al-Anon meeting where you will get support from others in similar situations when making difficult choices and also look at reuniting with members of your own family who will give you love and understanding.



It is not surprising that while you continue to allow yourself to put up with your husband?s alcoholic behavior and abuse that your family have abandoned you. Once they see that you are working on improving things for you and your children they will most likely be there to back you up.  Don?t get into the ?Blame Game?, focus on what changes YOU are going to make and stick to them.



You need to pick a time when your partner is sober and be clear, honest and direct in what you have to say.  And whatever you do, do NOT try to broach the subject while he is drinking. He will most likely deny that he has a problem, use excuses for his drinking and even try to blame you.



What are his responsibilities? What you are doing for your husband that he needs to be doing for himself. YOU can?t change him, he has to do that for himself and he will only do that when he?s ready but as long as you cover up for him and protect him things will only get worse. You will deteriorate emotionally, psychologically and eventually physically. You need to be strong, not just for yourself but also for your children.



Al-Anon and the love of your family will give you the best support.



I wish you well



Di



You will find where the Al-Anon meetings are for your area on the Internet.

characterics exhibited in an alcoholic

Question
My husband of 2 years is a recovering alcoholic with 22 years of continuing sobriety.  We have experienced some pretty rough "patches" here of late and actually have been going to counseling sessions over the past year.  My husband has a lot of anger issues and will lash out pretty much at anyone "available" but moreso me because we have a relationship and are together most often.  This behavior happens so frequently that many times I avoid or try to prevent a situation that might anger him, or I just back off hoping whatever the situation is will "go away".  These situations can be aggravation while driving in traffic, having to wait for something or someone, a barking dog...there is a long list.  My tendency to "shut-down" makes the situation worse, but it can escalate just as quickly if I interact.  Don't get me wrong, I make mistakes and there have been legitimate disagreements, but the situations I refer to, I have no participation in the cause, but the resulting anger is directed to me or even the next person he comes in contact with. He has to feel like he's control (his words).  One of the biggest issues currently is that when he calms down and apologizes for his behavior, he will tell me that his actions were uncalled for, and then  insists that I apologize for "my part" as well.  He can't tell me what for, just that it's never fully the fault of only one of the parties.  When we were with our counselor this morning, she questioned him on his thinking and he insists that it is a precept taught and learned through the AA program.  He believes that healing cannot happen if both people don't accept responsibility, no matter what the situation, both parties are at fault.  I do not understand this concept.  Is this the way that the "step" is interpreted?  When my husband walks in the door, and is angry because someone tailgated him, and then proceeds to be obnoxious in his actions or words, directing it toward me or one of the dogs or maybe the next person on the phone, why would he feel I need to accept partial  responsibility?  At times he does calm down rather quickly and tell me that he shouldn't have responded in the manner that he did.  Most often, when this anger happens with him, and I don't respond or feed into his mood, he will make little comments or "jab", could be about anything, until I either tell him what I think of his behavior or I cry.......either fuels the fire.  It's the occasions when his anger lingers that he wants me to say that I am partially to blame.  I have asked him to speak with a another doctor or therapist, on his own if he wishes, to concentrate and discuss  his lack of control over his anger--and he refuses.  Says that's just the way he is. Are these issues part of the alcoholism?  Can you give me some suggestions on how to respond and prevent so many flareups?  These feelings and reactions that he has have got to be uncomfortable for him.  Thanks for your help -- I am sorry this turned out to be so drawn out.


Answer
Lisa,

   Thank you for the questions and for the lengthy explanation.  These kind of questions are always better answered with as much detail as possible.



    He is absolutely wrong in his interpretation of the program meaning both are always wrong and both should apologize in every situation.  Absolutely wrong.  You are never at fault when someone else is upset about something not involving you.  Hear me loud and clear on that.  I hope your counselor is saying this to you loud and clear as well.  If they are not, they may be afraid of his reaction and you need to find another counselor for you alone.



    What he may have heard is that everyone is sick to a degree and everyone would benefit from working a program.  It is simply truth that none of us are free of mental and emotional issues.  Most people will never address them because we humans have developed sufficient coping skills to suppress things we do not wish to look into.  It can be a frightening proposition.



    These issues of his are not associated with alcoholism - alcohol did not cause these; alcohol was the mechanism he used to suppress them and now alcohol is gone and no longer an option.  He has had a long long dry drunk because he has never successfully dealt with the reasons for his drinking - anger.  



    He will need to do some serious personal psychological work to uncover these and he may never have the capacity to do that.  Like I said, it is a very dangerous undertaking and takes a very skilled therapist and perhaps years to accomplish.  I wish I could tell you there is a magic pill to take but there is not.



    I do not have much in the way of suggestions for you except you might begin to read up on anger and the damage it causes.  There are many good books on this.  Perhaps by your reading and educating yourself he may one day look to you for advice but don't expect it.  It may be the thing that will give you some comfort knowing that he is ill and it has nothing to do with you.  You are not the problem.



    If you have not explored Alanon, I would suggest going to some meetings and getting some friendships started there.  Women in that program will understand and help you by being a listening ear and offering you experience for how they handled their situations similar to yours.  He does not need to be actively drinking for you to be welcomed in Alanon.  Maybe it will prompt him to get to AA and get serious about working the steps again (assuming he ever worked them in the beginning).



    It will also give you a chance to ask yourself do you want to put up with the unhealthy behavior.  You have every right to say no to that abuse and you have very right to make some decisions on your own for your future.  Sure it will anger him but you must realize he has power over you right now - he has convinced you that you must repent for his outbursts.  Nonsense.



    I must be honest with you.  This could escalate to some dangerous levels as you begin to take back your power.  Be cautious with how you respond to him until you have strength to stand up to him.  Do not be afraid to seek help from professionals and police for your safety.



    He may never be able to deal with the underlying issues from his childhood.  Perhaps he is not supposed to do so.  We don't know.  Only God knows those things.



    I hope this may have helped and write again if I may be of any further help.



Grace and Peace,

Clyde

Alcoholic brother over for Thanksgiving

Question
Hi Druideck,



My name is Katrina and I am 21 years old.  I have a brother who is 26 and has been suffering alcoholism for about 5 years now.  It mostly began when his father died.  I have tried everything to help him, and I thought he hit his bottom after he rolled his car 4 times drunk, breaking his leg and 6 of his ribs.  He was required to go to jail for a few days and to do a treatment program as well as AA.  I talked to him about his experience and he said it was good except AA because it was "stupid".



My brother is generally a very kind and outgoing person, at least he was before his disease.  Shortly after he was "enlightened," he began drinking again and continues to do so from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed.



My mother is also an alcoholic, but on a lesser extent.  She is an enabler for my brother.  I have been in a sense "taking care" of my brother since his alcoholism began.  I am the closest person to him in the world, and I still haven't been able to help him.  I have tried being angry, upset, and helpful and nothing has worked.  He has attempted suicide once before and threatens it all the time.  He has told me directly, "I just want to kill myself. I want to fall asleep and never wake up."  This concerns me because his father died the same way by an overdose on oxy-contin and his grandmother overdosed on an entire bottle of sleeping pills two years ago.  I am very concerned for his life.



On another note, I am having him and my mother over for Thanksgiving next week.  I don't know what to do.  Should I tell him there is no drinking allowed at all?  Should I put him on a limit?  I do not want him to be drunk when he is here.  I just don't know what to do.  I am worried that if I tell him he can't drink here then he will not come at all.



Please help.


Answer
Hi Katrina,



I know it is hard to watch someone you

care about going downhill with

alcoholism. It is important that

you do not take too much responsibility

for him as this is an illness that

is not controllable and you can

not make it better or worse by what you do

or do not do for him.



If he is to recover it will be by his choice

and no one else can force him to recover.

He has not hit bottom or he would be willing

to stay in AA and pay attention to

what he calls "stupid".

I myself am proof that AA works as

I am 24 years sober with my start in AA.

Alcoholics need a program for living

that can only be developed through AA's

twelve step process. This helps them

with support and in developing

better thought patterns and

they learn how to avoid relapses back

into drinking.



I fear your brother is doomed to more

pain and suffering if he does not

wake up from his denial and his refusal

to get help. Alcoholics have

much false pride that prevents them

from being honest about how bad

things are in their life.

They like to pretend they are in control

of themselves when everybody can see that they are not.



If you tell him no drinking that sends him a positive

message saying you do not approve of his behaviour.

If you condone his drinking just to have him

present then you are saying it is okay with you

if he keeps drinking.



You are also enabling if you put up with

his drinking or approve of it in any way.

He needs to know that it is unacceptable.

The next time he rolls a car he could kill

himself or somebody elses loved ones.



There is no excuse for him to continue

with his family making any excuses for this.

Be the first to stand up and say "no more",

this is what will send him the message that

may wake him up. He will die from alcoholism

and it may not be suicide it might just

be another accident.



The only thing you can really do to stop

this illness is to stop making excuses for

him to drink. If he stops showing up

then at least he gets the message

that what he is doing is not okay anymore.

I know you want what is best for him,

so letting him drink at thanksgiving

is no reward it is just helping

and enabling him to his demise

as is any behaviour that excuses his

drinking.



Please take care of yourself first.  

Alcoholic brother

Question
Hello,



My name is Katrina and I am 21 years old.  I have a brother who is 26 and has been suffering alcoholism for about 5 years now.  It mostly began when his father died.  I have tried everything to help him, and I thought he hit his bottom after he rolled his car 4 times drunk, breaking his leg and 6 of his ribs.  He was required to go to jail for a few days and to do a treatment program as well as AA.  I talked to him about his experience and he said it was good except AA because it was "stupid".



My brother is generally a very kind and outgoing person, at least he was before his disease.  Shortly after he was "enlightened," he began drinking again and continues to do so from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed.



My mother is also an alcoholic, but on a lesser extent.  She is an enabler for my brother.  I have been in a sense "taking care" of my brother since his alcoholism began.  I am the closest person to him in the world, and I still haven't been able to help him.  I have tried being angry, upset, and helpful and nothing has worked.  He has attempted suicide once before and threatens it all the time.  He has told me directly, "I just want to kill myself. I want to fall asleep and never wake up."  This concerns me because his father died the same way by an overdose on oxy-contin and his grandmother overdosed on an entire bottle of sleeping pills two years ago.  I am very concerned for his life.



On another note, I am having him and my mother over for Thanksgiving next week.  I don't know what to do.  Should I tell him there is no drinking allowed at all?  Should I put him on a limit?  I do not want him to be drunk when he is here.  I just don't know what to do.  I am worried that if I tell him he can't drink here then he will not come at all.



Please help.


Answer
Hello Katrina,



Thank you for your question.  I understand your predicament and I feel sorry for you.  



The first thing is to understand the Cycle of Addiction which your brother is in and into which you have become entrapped. By understanding that addiction is a physiological illness, based on chemical dependency, which then dominates and warps the psychology of the addict, one is better able to see that the addiction is solely an individual journey for that person.  In an alcoholic relationship, the passive partner often suffers as much or more physically and psychologically as the alcoholics themselves. They can get caught up in the behavioral crises of alcoholics in ways which then affect their own behavior and physical and mental health. Poor communication and negative habits or schemes actually affects the other person and unconsciously he/she develops these negative patterns.  



Your brother I presume also suffers from depression and that is why he has suicidal ideations. There is also a history of suicides in his family.  This is rather serious & the problem should be addressed immediately.  I suggest you take him to a mental health specialist.  Both the issues of depression and alcoholism should be addressed separately.  Your mother doesn?t seem to be of much help.  In fact, being an enabler and an alcoholic herself I do not see any recovery for your brother.  As for AA, I think your brother is not ready.  Long term rehabilitation is the only answer for your brother, say at least 6 months.  Your inviting him for Thanksgiving will only aggravate the problem and I also think you are heading towards being an enabler yourself.  Katrina, please understand that by keeping him away will only do him good.  This is called tough love.  Help him and make him understand how much your life is being affected by his addiction.  You are young and have a whole life ahead of you.  You have become a codependent considering the fact that your family has a history of addiction and that makes it more complex.  I suggest you start attending Al-Anon meetings (A self help group of family and friends of alcoholics, also a part of AA).  Here in these meetings you will meet people who have the same problems like yours and you will learn how to cope with it like they do.



Katrina, it is time that you put your foot down and tell your brother to go into recovery.  In fact you?ve also become an enabler.  Show him love, but tell him recovery comes first.  I hope you make the right decision.  Calling him and your mother over to Thanksgiving will only worsen the problem.  And I also hope your brother gets into recovery sooner as his problem is not just alcoholism but also psychological.



I wish you well, Katrina.  Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.



God bless you and your family & Happy Thanksgiving.





Amarnath  

Alcoholic brother

Question
Hello,



My name is Katrina and I am 21 years old.  I have a brother who is 26 and has been suffering alcoholism for about 5 years now.  It mostly began when his father died.  I have tried everything to help him, and I thought he hit his bottom after he rolled his car 4 times drunk, breaking his leg and 6 of his ribs.  He was required to go to jail for a few days and to do a treatment program as well as AA.  I talked to him about his experience and he said it was good except AA because it was "stupid".



My brother is generally a very kind and outgoing person, at least he was before his disease.  Shortly after he was "enlightened," he began drinking again and continues to do so from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed.



My mother is also an alcoholic, but on a lesser extent.  She is an enabler for my brother.  I have been in a sense "taking care" of my brother since his alcoholism began.  I am the closest person to him in the world, and I still haven't been able to help him.  I have tried being angry, upset, and helpful and nothing has worked.  He has attempted suicide once before and threatens it all the time.  He has told me directly, "I just want to kill myself. I want to fall asleep and never wake up."  This concerns me because his father died the same way by an overdose on oxy-contin and his grandmother overdosed on an entire bottle of sleeping pills two years ago.  I am very concerned for his life.



On another note, I am having him and my mother over for Thanksgiving next week.  I don't know what to do.  Should I tell him there is no drinking allowed at all?  Should I put him on a limit?  I do not want him to be drunk when he is here.  I just don't know what to do.  I am worried that if I tell him he can't drink here then he will not come at all.



Please help.


Answer
HI Katrina,



That must be hard on you. I would say you are perfectly entitled to say that there will be no alcohol beverages at your home as a condition for them visiting you.



I have a feeling looking at the family history that alcoholism, drug addiction and mood disorders runs in the family as a rogue gene. But genes cab be beaten.



I agree with your brother that AA treatment for alcoholism is pretty useless. It starts from the assumption that alcoholism is a disease of the mind, instead of a disease of the body. Addiction is physical illness (affecting the mind), that prevents the body from producing feel good neurotransmitters such as serotonin. If your brother is a reader he should be able to overcome his addiction by himself, by educating himself about the biology of addiction. Of course he needs to be motivated to do so. He needs to understand the biochemical underpinnings of addiction, before he can treat himself. I suggest he read the followings articles:



Why Alcoholics Drink? at

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/WAD.html



Alcoholism (Addiction) is a Treatable Disease at:

http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/alcoholism_treatable.pdf



Drug Addiction is a Nutritional Disorder at:

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/drug_addictions_nutritional_disorder.htm...



Depression is a Nutritional Disorder at:

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/depression_disorder.html



Depression: a Disease of Energy Production at:

http://curezone.com/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/depression_energy3.pdf



The first step in treatment is going on a hypoglycemic diet. If problems persist, it is best to consult a Nutritional Doctor, Clinical Nutritionist or a Nutritional Psychologist.



I recommend he also read my book "Getting off the Hook" which is freely available on the internet.



If any further questions please come back.



_______________________________________________

Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychologist

Hon. Editor of

The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.

www.hypoglycemia.asn.au

Author of "Getting off the Hook"

Freely available at Google Book Search

Skype: jurplesman

Alcoholic brother threatening suicide

Question
Hello,



My name is Katrina and I am 21 years old.  I have a brother who is 26 and has been suffering alcoholism for about 5 years now.  It mostly began when his father died.  I have tried everything to help him, and I thought he hit his bottom after he rolled his car 4 times drunk, breaking his leg and 6 of his ribs.  He was required to go to jail for a few days and to do a treatment program as well as AA.  I talked to him about his experience and he said it was good except AA because it was "stupid".



My brother is generally a very kind and outgoing person, at least he was before his disease.  Shortly after he was "enlightened," he began drinking again and continues to do so from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed.



My mother is also an alcoholic, but on a lesser extent.  She is an enabler for my brother.  I have been in a sense "taking care" of my brother since his alcoholism began.  I am the closest person to him in the world, and I still haven't been able to help him.  I have tried being angry, upset, and helpful and nothing has worked.  He has attempted suicide once before and threatens it all the time.  He has told me directly, "I just want to kill myself. I want to fall asleep and never wake up."  This concerns me because his father died the same way by an overdose on oxy-contin and his grandmother overdosed on an entire bottle of sleeping pills two years ago.  I am very concerned for his life.



On another note, I am having him and my mother over for Thanksgiving next week.  I don't know what to do.  Should I tell him there is no drinking allowed at all?  Should I put him on a limit?  I do not want him to be drunk when he is here.  I just don't know what to do.  I am worried that if I tell him he can't drink here then he will not come at all.



Please help.


Answer

Beverley Glazer MA. IC

Hi Katrina,



You are in a particularly difficult situation because you seem to be the parent of both your mother and your brother.



There is very little that you can do about your mother enabling him, because she probably feels very guilty about her behavior. Of course this does not help your brother. It seems at this point, that your brother has no intention of stopping drink. He feels stuck, and he hates himself for this, but he can get help if he wants to. Unfortunately many people have to be mandated into treatment, and he might have to be one of them.



When someone threatens suicide they feel desperate, and because of the family history you're right to be concerned. It may be helpful to speak to your family doctor and see if he can be mandated into treatment or psychiatric services due to his mental and physical condition. It's also extremely important that you do not enable him in anyway. I know this is hard to do because you care for him and he's blackmailed you by the possibility of suicide, but still you must.



Here is some information that may be helpful: http://www.untwist-your-thinking.com/enabling-behavior.html



It would also be helpful for you to go to Al-Anon meetings and speak to other members. All the members are in similar family situations and you can develop a support system of people you can call onw when it gets tough.



As for Thanksgiving: Think of what it was like last Thanksgiving. Was he drunk? Was he rude? History has a way of repeating itself.



Neither telling him not to drink nor setting a limit will be helpful because as you know he just won't come. So if you want him and there are others invited to the house, tell them that your brother has a drinking problem and he will probably not be able to stay sober.



If you believe that he will disrupt the party, tell him that although you love him and want him there, it would be too embarrassing if he gets drunk, so it's up to him. Tell him if he doesn't drink he's welcome, but if he thinks he can't do it,  you'll bring him food when the party's over.

The goal is to make the day the best it can be --given the difficult circumstances.



As hard as this is, focus on yourself Katrina and try not to put so much emotional energy on your brother. Right now, he will not stop drinking unless he's forced to change.



Keep demanding that he gets help, and tell him that you'll be there for him when he does. He knows where the meetings are so he can go to them if he chooses. He can also go to counseling or rehab. You can point him in the right direction, but unfortunately there is nothing more you can do.



Thank you for asking AllEexperts,

I hope this information is helpful,



All the best in this very difficult time



Bev

http://www.twist-your-thinking.com